Not that all parents are like that, fortunately not, but you have parents. They never miss an opportunity to tell you how to arrange your affairs, that you are not allowed to do this and that you should do that. They will arrange your life for you! Parents. They are the cause of your existence, and they interfere with that existence. Sometimes a little, sometimes even perhaps too little, but often far too much against your will. Why don’t they release you? There is actually nothing you can think of in your life without parents wanting to get involved, to a greater or lesser extent. That boy is too old for you, that disco is no good, you are not allowed to go there. Or the opposite: Go out, you have a girlfriend.
Hope and expectation
You sometimes wonder what parents actually want from their children. From the child’s point of view, it often seems that parents always want exactly what the child does not want. From the parents’ point of view, the story of course sounds the other way around. While other children apparently always do things that your parents set as examples, you see other parents behaving like the perfect, tolerant, interested adults that would make you feel like a fish in water.
Of course, there are (fortunately) parents and children who think they are lucky with each other. But even there you sometimes wonder: what do they actually expect from me?
At the time when most children enter secondary school , become interested in sex and going out and begin to develop into independent beings with their own outlook, many parents have reached the age at which their existence has taken a fixed course.
They can look both forward and back and have the idea that they know what they have there on both sides. Many parents think that they can’t really expect much new from life anymore. But: they have their children, who are still at the very beginning. They still have all the opportunities in front of them, if only they are not so stupid as to make the same mistakes as mom and dad, if only they are willing to listen to their parents’ experience… That is one factor
that can ensure that your parents always sitting behind your rags with things like: Learn well, make sure you have diplomas, don’t start dating too early.
Extension or individual
Another thing is that many people do not actually realize that other people are actually wired differently.
Parents have an additional ‘handicap’: their children naturally exhibit traits that they recognize from themselves. Before you know it, some parents only have eyes for what their children have in common. They see them as a kind of extension of themselves. When they see their children do things that they regret or find clumsy, they quickly think: Oh no, don’t make the same mistake! and they sit on top of it to ensure that doesn’t happen. But also the other way around: in areas where children differ from their parents, they easily overlook them.
Like those parents who want their children to have hobbies. Or like going out very early on suitors’ feet. The fact that someone with a different view can still be very happy is sometimes difficult for parents to accept when it comes to their own children. And they usually want to see their children happy.
Disappointment and envy
Sometimes parents place such high demands on their children that no one could ever meet them. Or they tell their children in a gloomy tone that they shouldn’t start it, because nothing will come of it anyway. These parents are often very disappointed in their own lives. Sometimes they really think that no one can achieve their ideal, that it is an impossible task. And sometimes they are actually jealous. Parents are only human, and some parents cannot bear the thought that their children can show them that things can be done differently.
Simple love and care
But most parents are just concerned about their children and simply love them. However, they often still have to get used to their growing children, whom they have seen for so long as rather immature, dependent orphans. And, let’s be honest, you don’t always behave responsibly either. Who ultimately does that one hundred percent?
The best advice you can receive as a child is: First see whether they are right and in what respect. If they accuse you of never coming home on time and if you indeed show up at the most irregular times in the middle of the night, then accept that accusation. If you keep getting unsatisfactory grades and you don’t do your homework, don’t start shouting that you’re trying so hard.
Childishness will not get you anywhere, especially not with those parents of yours who want to convince you that you are old and wise enough to manage your own affairs. So cover your own beans as best you can. If you can’t do that, don’t be stubborn, don’t be ashamed and ask for help.
Talk to your parents. Choose moments when they are not angry with you (let that anger pass, a tantrum is not exactly the best time to approach your father or mother reasonably). Explain to them what you are like, how you approach your things, and how you differ from them. But most importantly, ask them why they want you to do this or that. How they used to do that. Try to get them to talk about what it has to do with themselves. So that they may eventually realize that they want you to repeat their own missed opportunities, blame your own disappointments on you, or have their own ego boosted by your achievements. With some parents it may be better to first bring it up with a family member or acquaintance, who you can expect will take your side or at least be partial. But many parents will not need such an interpreter. Because many parents are simply very reasonable people who would like nothing more than to have the best possible relationship with their children. And they appreciate it if you are interested in them and tell them what you would like from them. Because it is probably one of the best ways to convince your parents that you are also a reasonable person who has the right to your own life and your own way of doing things!