Fear of commitment – a psychological disorder

You want a “real relationship”, a joint household and future plans, but as soon as your partner hears it he starts to object. Is there doubt whether he/she really wants you, or is fear of commitment the cause?

What is fear of commitment?

Fear of commitment is sometimes used as an excuse, but the problem really exists. It is a psychological disorder that usually arises from a painful past. For example, you may connect love with distrust and pain, due to an event in the past. Or that your parents didn’t give you a chance to bond in the past. People with a fear of commitment try to avoid new pain, this happens consciously or unconsciously. As a result, your partner is never allowed to get really close. And that you have the feeling that your freedom disappears when you enter into a relationship.

Do you suffer from fear of commitment?

Perhaps you also suffer from fear of commitment, see if the following statements apply to you:

  • I want a permanent relationship, but I can’t get beyond short-lived love. After a few weeks I always start to have doubts about my new partner. And then I start to miss my single life.
  • I always wonder if it’s the real one. Maybe I’m missing out on something better.
  • My partners were all too easy. I want more excitement!
  • I break up with her when my partner demands too much attention.
  • Going on holiday with my partner? Yes, forget it! I much prefer to go with friends.
  • I don’t want to talk about living together or having children. That is still so far in the future.
  • I always like people who are not interested in a permanent relationship.

If you recognize some statements, it is quite possible that you suffer from a fear of commitment. But everyone sometimes has a mild form of fear of commitment and has doubts about a relationship, only if it is prevalent can it be a problem.

What can you do about it?

If you have a fear of commitment, it is important that you look for the cause.
Only once you have found it can you really solve the problem. Below are some tips:

  • Talk to your partner, let him or her know what you want, how you feel about something and, above all, how you feel.
  • Take enough time for your relationship and let it grow.
  • Face your past and try not to hide it away but to work on it.
  • Don’t be too perfectionistic and don’t keep looking for the perfect partner.
  • First try to really commit, and if it really doesn’t work you can always break up.

If you cannot reach an agreement together, you can always contact a psychologist.

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